M-Day Countdown Day 26: Dec 26

Increasingly more difficult to find time to sit down to write down thoughts or to even think. My only thoughts are personal pep talks reminding myself that this is good. I don't know what advice I would give a young dude looking to get married. I honestly don't.

Going all day. All day. Crunch time and family time.

Waited for over an hour in line, in the rain, in the cold at Mamas in Nor Be-atch

 Went to get a haircut and it was closed and so was this nearby store I was supposed to visit bc I met the owners randomly at a taco truck. Sad. Closed before I could reach it. 

Found a new random place. The haircut was aw-right

 but I dont really care, it's just a show

and I liked the guy so I'm going back (I'm all about the service, I dont care if the food sucks)

 I invited him over for dinner but he declined. Why? 

I invited my neighbor who helped me all day on my gasline over for dinner and he declined. I said "nexttime." He said "maybe." Why?

Errands: Mills to print stuff and grab supplies, Kinkos, Target, Micheals, Toy R Us, (got a lot done, with a lot of help) and finally back home. 

For the Feast:

And games

 And prizes

 Gearing up

For the chunky, chocolately goodness of the overflowed, clogged toilet, I had to stick my hand down.

(not pictured here)

M-Day Advent Calendar:

holy crap. 2 more days. i'm actually not trippin, I will the day of though. All those movies about runaway brides - I get it. This is the craziest position to be in. I went to a monastery once and I met this woman who was there bc she had cold feet and the dude never forgave her even though later she came to her senses. I feel like temporary insanity is normal. Sometimes you need to go insane for a time to make the right decisions. Those are actually two different versions of insane: one's to run and one's to commit, both are okay. 

On Day 26:

M-Day Countdown Day 25: Dec 25

This is what I woke up to.

literally in front of my new pad.

Shot up Hollywood, machine gun style - engine still running, all the tires blown out, gas pouring from the tank. 

My neighbor came over and helped me put in a gas line so that I could hook up this dryer I've had sitting idle for a month. I'd need it to run for when my family comes and invades my home later in the day. We watched the car sitting there and then walked to Home Depot to get parts for the line, it was strange like dang there's a shot up car but 'we got things to do'. Spent the entire day working on this, from dusk til dawn. I can't thank the guy enough - I seriously have no idea what to get a diabetic, retired contractor, whose wife is a nutritionist. Note: If installation guys charge you less than $200 to get a line installed you're getting a deal. 

the layers of my floor

Family's starting to come in. Picked up the first batch from SFO - the floridians. 

Morning exercises - gotta think about sustaining the aesthetics of the pristine beaches in the far off land I'm about to invade.

Ants invading my house - I had to launch a slaughtering campaign underneath my house - thwarting the ant invasion more urgent bc I have a family invasion coming. 

Covered in webbing, dead bugs, raid and mud I was forced to take a shower. There's something so soothing about warm water flowing over your head and down your body that's both relaxing and creates the perfect haven for thought. It's like the opposite of chinese water torture. The shower is my thought chamber, plus it's the only point in my day where I'm completely alone and there's nothing going on around me. 

I'm gonna marry this chick

Chinatown, Oakland, USA

 in search of duck

 and pastries

raiden fights the cardboard warrior.

Happy Birthday

More family is here

Moms meet for the first time

Circle talk

M-Day Advent Calendar:

On the 25th Day : 

I slept in the last room:

the one where people poo

M-Day Countdown Day 24: Dec 24

Baggage is the stuff from your past that comes up without notice, when you're least expecting it, especially the stuff you feel like you've long left in the dust. Sometimes it's subversive, it's affected you in ways you're never cognizant about. It's almost always associated with people, often times ones you've somehow been romantically involved with.

My baggage has names (in chronological order) (But I'll keep them to initials to protect the identity of the innocent):

Elementary:
Porn
S.L.
Junior High:
K.L.
J.W.
M.K.
High School:
J.A.
College:
S.L.
B.S.
C.H.
Post College:
E.S.
T.C.
G.C.
M.W.

Snip--------snip------------snip------------snip---------snip

Learn and move on. I'm already shaped by these. The reality and even my false perception of what they were. I'm molded.

Conclusion: I need therapy

M-Day Advent Calendar:

On the night before Christmas:

super heavy

I haven't slept.

M-Day Countdown Day 23: Dec 23

Commitment in my book is the ability not to run.
It's like creating a circle, or entering a room or a jungle and entering into that place, you know about it, wanted to go there, intentionally went there knowing that there are great things inside, but also hearing about things you havent encountered yet. Then you're hanging out and you all of a sudden get scared because the trees start to look different and there are weird animals sounds you're never heard before, and it smells funny or just different (it may even be fragrant), the ground crackles in ways you've never felt, and the easiest thing to do is run away and not do it, and you're scared and uncertain as you walk in further and all your fears start to emerge (even though you like to think of yourself as brave) and you realize you don't like the heat so you want to leave and sometimes it gets too cold but you don't run, you stay and figure out how to stay warm and cool and you deal with your fears and just get used to the smells and weird trees, learn how to live in this new environment, it's challenging, you cry, and you hate it, can't do it, feel very uncomfortable but if you decided to leave you would never be forced to deal with these things, and you slowly grow, and change, become someone stronger, braver, smarter, deeper. You don't even realize it as it happens but it does.

I didn't end of having a bachelor thing of my own but I did go to another friend's who's getting married soon after me, I was grafted into that one and I liked everyone who was there so.

M-Day Advent Calendar:

On the 23rd day:

In this room I slept:

the one where your clothes get clean

M-Day Countdown Day 22: Dec 22

As the time approaches, the most common question I get is are you excited. I feel like that's the wrong question. I don't feel excited. What's actually happening the last few days before the big day doesn't incite excitement, it's a mixture of feelings, mostly leaning more on the less excited side on the emo spectrum. Like I said if you really think about it the wedding is a big facade, we're not going big but especially with those going who do it up, it's lots of fluff in order to create an ambience. I actually enjoy that though so I'm not hating (I believe real things happen in made up ambiences that's why I do art), but it's like prepping for a big performance. Leading up to it there's family to host, weird grief issues bc certain members feel like they're losing someone, statuses change - fiancees become daughter/son in laws, learning new things, getting used to a lot of things you're not used to, plus you find yourself poorer than ever, and no matter how sure you were before there's always fear - man, this is for life, it's like the biggest most life altering decision you'll ever make. I don't know what you call those emotions but it's definitely not excited.

Don't get me wrong, it is a joyous occasion but it's like the holidays, you get the good with the bad, family with the baggage. And our wedding happens to be on the holidays.

M-Day Advent Calendar:

The 22nd Day:

I slept here: 

the room for the master