Worthy is the lamb

I draw while people sing.

Geographer

Last night thanks to Ken I went out to the city to see Geographer play at Rickshaw Stop.
Never either seen the band live or been to the venue. I even forgot for a moment who the band was. Haven't been to a show in a while, months, a year?

They did a rad cover of New Orders Age of Consent, I'm telling you New Order influenced everyone:


Pretty much what it looked like:

so long the days
that melt away
so loud the words
you could not say

Evil

I witnessed an accident.

There was this huge Budweiser truck parked, the driver off loading beer, taking up the entire right lane so traffic was slowing, stopping. I was in the right lane directly behind the truck, signaling to get left. A Honda stopped for me and even honked to let me know. Just as I started entering the left lane as I was looking in my rear view mirror. I hear the crash and see the windshield of the mini, that rear ended the Honda, go from clear to white as the windshield shattered from the impact of the airbag. I even saw the the two in the Honda cover the back of their heads and go forward in reaction. But I didn't stop I drove on. I felt evil.

Air

I happen to order my new mac air the day before Steve Jobs died. What does it all mean? Nothing. Just that an extraordinary man died at a relatively young age.

Rad but sad.

Message

On time I'd broken up with a girlfriend and I told Wei briefly about it or maybe he heard from someone else, I don't remember exactly. But anyways a few days later I miss his call but listen to the voice mail message and he says simply "Hey, man, I'm just calling to make sure you didn't commit suicide or anything." That's it. And you might think that's harsh but it was heart warming and a smile crept across my face. I knew he was looking out, that he cared, was concerned. And that's all I needed to hear to know that. He didn't need to use nice words or even mention the situation. I didn't call him back but I got the message.

Should've Called

Heard today that the wedding of a friend of ours got called off. He wasn't feel'n it anymore, hasn't been for a long time even before the proposal, thought the act would change it, but it didn't. He confessed, and wanted to still go through with it but she called it off.

Heard today that a friend of mine from college died. He was in a coma for a few months, sudden, from a stroke, a stroke? Who gets a stroke at 35. It happens when you're 60, 70, 80, 90 not 35 (would've been 36 next week). The thing was I honestly haven't talked to him for a long time and suddenly for about a 2 week period recently he entered my mind, out of nowhere, I wanted to call him and check in but never did, and this was before the stroke.

Went to a studio mates art opening today and found her to be absent. I inquired and heard that her father died. Wayne wasn't around as well, I didn't ask, but was told one of his good friends dad died.

Ran into today an old acquaintance from Davis, hadn't seen her in almost a decade. Surprised she recognized me, I don't know if I would have her. It was really pleasant for some reason.

I saw today Cheol for the last time, he was our summer intern from Korea, he goes back Sunday.

I decided today that I'm going to Kev and Beccas wedding in South Carolina the day after my last day of work. $400, $500, $600 Fuck it. It's worth it.

I go to the funeral Sunday.

I Have Decided

I'm going to Art School I decided (well, mostly yesterday). The journey begins!

Haiti Again?

I was in Haiti a year ago, May of 2010. It was the toughest place I've ever been. Upon return I knew I wanted to go back and form a long term relationship with the people, with the country work towards change. I wasn't quite sure how but there was a girl I was there with, she had the same idea. The thought was we'd return and collaborate to create a nonprofit that would help a specific slum village there. I was on board until I realized there are some people you can only be friends with and not business partners. My friends dad always warned of the distinction, and keeping that sacred. So she continued with the venture as I decided to figure out another way I could be involved with Haiti. I recently had a random wondering about the organization she started so I went on her website and saw that it hadn't gone very far. I'm not sure what that means, there just wasn't a lot of money raised towards the project. I haven't talked to her so it could be anything. It sparked nothing. But today I saw this article in Rolling Stone and the flame was reignited. Another tug in this time of transition that I'm not sure what to do with.

Managing Perceptions

I had this girlfriend once she used to work for this consulting group that got the insurance companies to fork up what they owed the hospitals. It takes a particular type of person to work for a firm that has you argue and debate for a living. I guess that's what lawyers do. You definitely can't be passive or shy. Gotta be direct, very direct and clear. Anyhow she told me a story about how her boss pulled here aside and talked to her about dying the tips of her jet black hair red, I've seen it, I liked it. But apparently it wasn't good to have red tips when consulting with clients, it was unprofessional. The phrase she apparently used was "managing perception" that's what she had to do that. It really stuck with her because after that she always talked about it - managing your, my, our perception (esp. in light of meeting her parents amongst other things...but we'll save that talk for another day).

I've learned to do that well: manage my perception. I've done it so well that it's actual, no longer a mere managing. I tried to look busy, look efficient, look productive and now I actually became those things, except add the word "am too" in front of all those and omit the "look". For some reason tonight I've come to that realization. I was just at a study group and there my mind is thinking about work projects and deadlines instead of the topic of discussion, the evidence is right there on the copy of the study I had, my notes read: intern tour set date, Mon. mtg. time, Wedding, Suzie, Becca, fix labels gmail, label L & F. And then I'm so anxious I can't even be there to chat casually as we leave because I need so badly to get back home so that I could shoot out some work related emails. It then dawned on me as I log in to my email at 10:45 pm. This is no way to live. I'm a prisoner here, where is the freedom? There is no distinction between my work and the rest of my life. When I used to work for Genentech I got in to work at 8 and left at 5 each day and never thought about it again until I went back the next day....that was it, clean, clear, done. Now work taints every part of my life, there is no sacred anymore. And what's life without the sacred....death.

Somethings got to change.

9 Crimes

Is that alright?