Thursday, October 8, 2015

The End

A few years back there was T who started just started his grad program at Mills College. At the same time, in the same program there was J. They were both Korean American, being such a small school, there weren't many Korean Americans, so they connected at that level. During this time J had a substance abuse problem, it wasn't be uncommon to find her passed out on the bathroom floor at any given morning. Through this T and J got close and started collaborating, eventually J would get clean, she had to. T and J formed a band and they soon met another fellow Korean American grad school student D from the art department, and naturally they all gravitated towards each other and would collaborate on many different levels. They grew as friends, travelled together, made a documentary, performed at prestigious venues. But T and J had interpersonal issues which they tried over and over again to work through but simply couldn't. 

Tonight was their last performance together as a band. I quietly snuck in the audience and watched them perform their final performance - captivated, I leaned in, full of emotion, it was so good and so real, so from the heart and it resonated so well, and plus they're both damn good. They were guests, so the host played her next song and during that she allowed for the audience to call out names of people they had lost - my name was obvious - Antonio Ramos - it'd be a name everyone would recognize but I sat there and listened as others called out names- I wanted to but couldn't - I don't know what stopped me and when I felt like I could finally do it - it was too late, the time had passed. Then I saw from a distance T and J hurry out from back stage, exchange a few words and then hug, I knew I was witnessing the end, then T walked out the front. I quickly got up and rushed out the exit closest to me but it went down 3 corridors before it eventually opened up to the outside. He was gone. I looked all around, he was no where to be found. Then J came out unexpectedly, she calls out his name. A homeless guy tells us he walked that way, but there was no one to chase. J started to cry. I hugged her, she stopped. 

"This was our last performance"

"I know, you guys were good, so good, I was captivated."

"Thanks" She smiles.

"You're a damn good performer, don't ever stop." 

We hug again and I walk away. 


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