Great News and NY

So you know how I submitted a piece for that Yelp show I mentioned earlier well, I got word yesterday that "they are delighted to inform me that I have been selected to display my piece".
Yup so that's the good news. Except I'll be in NY when they have that planning meeting-I'll have to sort that out somehow. did I mention I'm going to Ny, Ny. Flight's today at 4pm and I haven't packed a thing. Although I did get the day off work but I have like 4 hours to get this list of 25 items fulfilled..I wanted to get some studio time in- but that may not happen. We'll see. And why am I sitting on the computer when I have things that need to get done-no idea. Okay gotta go..But I do want to make it a personal goal of mine to at least draw one thing or write something everyday-to keep the creative juices oozing. So If dont make it to the studio today at least I've recorded my thoughts. There- justified.


I just figured out how to post images on this thing. Sweet. check mark on that Note to Self.
So this is the piece, I'm still tweaking with the two characters to the right but this is basically it.

Here's the blurb I submitted with it-it's to do with a SF community theme:

"The piece is actually a moment that happened not long ago. It was the day of Bay to Breakers. My room mate and I walked out of on to our back balcony and find our neighbor below enjoying the warm sun after running the race. Then our neighbors adjacent from us appear and we have this sort of 3 way chat going. It's all symbolism. My neighbor downstairs is a lesbian and the ones adjacent are a hetero couple-so the sexual diversity of SF. The way I can see 5 or 6 different yards from my balcony and have 2 different conversations at the same time talks about the physical closeness of the homes compacted in the limited space. The sun in Sf is so rare that when its out all the people emerge from the depths-neighbor sunbathing. Bay to Breakers speaks of the how awesome our city is to sponsor so many great community events and it creates this festive atmosphere in the entire city. And the dog-San Franciscans love their dogs. All symbolism. "

I'm quoting myself-can I do that?

Plan A

So the girls (Grace and Erika) tell me they're going to see someone some Sarah something perform at Cafe Du Nord. I have no idea who she is but I go..only to find out that the show is sold out. In the past I've always been able to show up to this particular venue the night of and get tickets but she must be super popular and plus the venue is intimate (small). So I'm standing outside making calls notifying the concerned of my predictament, trying to figure out what next..I could just go to some local bar and hang for a bit (so that's plan B)...Plan A is..well, I dont quite have a plan A but it has something to do with the fact that I wouldn't accept the fact that I wasn't going to be able to get in tonight. So still trying to formulate this plan I walk up to the bouncer and after being thoroughly ignored for a few minutes I ask if there is any way I could get in..and she says nope but in a real fishy way..so I step away just a few feet still trying to figure out what this plan A is supposed to be.. then the bouncer chick comes up unexpectedly and goes "What up, it's me Audrey".. and I'm totally taken off guard but I pay along clueless as to what the hell is going on. Then she walks away. Ohhhhhh I get it so I pull out a twenty hidden in my hand and go up to Aud, slip it to her in a handshake and play the "yeah its been a long time" game. and we have this made up conversation, name dropping fake names and remembering pretend past events....it's completely obvious..then i get my stamp and walk in. Sweet. Plan A.

So Sara B was good but I liked the songs of Rachel Efron even better..there's something about it that allows you to get lost in the moment.

A Few Things

Art
Man, I realized something pretty significant this weekend just by looking at one piece of art. And this isn't really something new-I've known this in the back of my head for a while as a not fully processed thought (or maybe I was just in denial) but I'm not that sweet of an artist. I'm a little behind. Meaning I can't go straight into a MFA program I need to go back to the basics. So how I realized this was I picked up a copy of Drawing Magazine and saw that there's school that teaches people how to draw-there was a before and after picture of drawings this dude did and I saw that my drawings were closer to the before than the after-although I've done and could do ones like the after-my everyday stuff was more like the before. And drawing is this skill that anybody who has half a brain can learn. It's very technical and the concepts are relatively easy to get-light is the key to creating the illusion with that shadows, reflection points, shapes. I know drawing makes the greatest painters. Any maybe I dont need to go that far back to basics but I do feel like I know very little and am only learning from myself. There are so many tricks and tips and things like washes that I never really knew about-and materials- I only continue to do what I know. Maybe I'm just a lazy painter-who knows everything that I need to know but dont apply them since it takes a little more effort. So I came up with a couple of conclusions or maybe half conclusions.



1.)I am not ready for the MFA program-I kind of want to go back and do BFA classes again, I was going through my old notes from Davis and that's all good stuff that I should already know in my heart but am only remembering as I read old notes-what the hell was I doing back in Davis, absolutely nothing-wasting a valuable education-getting drunk-it's times like these I wish I was a better student. Unless maybe the MFA is learning those things but I get the feeling that MFA kids are like pros already just trying go a notch higher. I should call the Acad Art dude and ask him.

Note to Self: Call Acad of Art dude: Scott and inquire about program.

Another thing made me feel unworthy of the program is I saw this pretty sweet painting at Regen yesterday and Steven was telling me that the girl who did it has been trying to get into a program for a while and hasnt been able to until recently and I was like dude if something of that caliber cant get in then I for sure cant get in.



2.)Artist Require a Community- A true artist needs to be in an artist community. I feel like I'm in this community with myself and do all my art myself and self critique and dont learn any new techniques myself and bounce the same old ideas off myself and dont discover new media myself. All I can do is tell myself I suck or am good and play with the same old thing forever looking at it through my same pair of eyes. I feel like I'm behind and dont know all those new tricks and techniques like washes because of the lack of community. And you know how I realized this by looking at the one dope piece at Regen-I saw a crayon sketch dressed with light washes and I was like dude that's sweet.



3.)I had another one but I can't remember it at the moment. It probably was something about me getting back to basics.

Another Friday

Sitting here at my desk.
Finally got this blog to work-its taken me 7 months.
Not Eating today. Had a huge Breakfast.
Life is interesting-how I want to be a part of life is maybe the question that sits at the forefront of my mind.
I'm going to Ny with Ferrier in less than a week. Gotta do laundry. I kind of dont want to go-I'll get too drunk and spend tons of money-I have to redeem this purely recreational trip somehow make it worth more than just pure fun-I have to do a painting for Derek before I leave. That's my goal, you always have to have to have some sort of goal or a point of motivation. whatever you do.
So what to do. I started looking for jobs on Craigslist yesterday during lunch-just to see whats out there for me- I found absolutely nothing- there's nothing I want to do. It did make me appreciate my current trabajo but if I stay here and do the same thing-that's exatly what I'd be doing exactly the same damn thing-living in this lazy world of comfort. I want to make an impact-comfort doesn't help me do that-it helps me be comfortable. I mean I'm not lazy- I go to the gym, sleep little, read a lot, go to work fulltime, go to studies on Thursdays, walk down the street to deposit checks or grab a bite, been going out more on weekends with friends but mostly I'm in my studio-but how is all this going to help the broken and rid the world of poverty and hate. It's not- and so I call that lazy- I do secretly hope to make painting that are inspiring and tell stories, that move people to go-go out and do something-live outside themselves. I dont know though-I'm a little discouraged-as far as creating. My work sucks- you know what though I think I know why-its because I have a natural style but I always try to create outside that natural style-I always assign myself huge projects that maybe aren't necessarily who I am.

Note to self: start creating only for my natural style who cares what it looks like or how it turns out. Who cares what others my think, although it matters a lot because they dictate whether I get in a show or not, but still who gives a sh..

Anyhow I submitted to this show-I later realized after the fact that I can't even invite my friends if I did get in b'c it's some lame closed party for super Yelpers-I didnt even know what Yelp was until I had to sign up for an account just to submit. I've never seen anything like my piece in a show and I dont mean that in a it's super-great-and-unique-kind-of-way, I mean it in a it kind-of-sucks-so-no-gallery-really-puts-up-stuff-like-mine-way. Well, we'll see and I am modifying it so it should be better. I always have great concepts and then I execute and then in the end I can't close the deal-tie it together.

Aw man this is therapeutic. More than painting. Maybe I should write.
I have all my emails saved form The Greatest Australian-New Zealand-Papua New Guniea-Adventure Ever!..I should fix it and try to publish or do a comic or write a book, except i cant write worth nothing- imean I can but my grammer sucks and my spelling is wack as well, I suppose thats what editors are for-except mine would end up rewriting half my book.
I'll do a zine. Yeah that's what I'll do-I'm sort of out or it and behind as far as the latest but I guess that what the new art kids are doign to get their work out there-making 2 dollar zines and distributing like crazy.
Note to self: Do further research on how to do a zine. Then do a lond ass zine on the Greatest Austrailian Adventure Ever!. And then send to all the characters that I've met along the way-none of whose names I will change. Yeah dude that'd be super rad.

That's apparently one of the ways Dave Choe got found.

Dang I havent written like this in a long time and I love it. I love writing. I could make To Do lists, write emotionally, brainstorm, note to self's...this is frikin great.

I started cussing a little bit more lately, I dont know why. I never did before.

I need less money, less comfort, I need it to be just a smiget uncomfortably cold when I go to sleep, and hurt-no not pain or hurt than I'm relying on emotion to fuel my actions- but I just want to be kept on my feet.
Fear keeps me from taking advantage of my opportunites, I've had many, and tons of support for my abilities yet i'm still here doing this because why- fear and ultimately a lack of belief in myself. I can never understand why people sit there and ask me to paint them something or introduce me and add that I'm an amazing artist-they've never really seen my stuff- how can anybody trusts me that much-I dont trust in that trust. "Here I'll pay you tons of money to make me something" what you dont even know what it'll look like. There's too much trust there. Don't you want to see my portfolio first or look at some of the things I've done in the past.

Oh yeah that reminds me I have to send a few sample pieces to Monica so she can assess if we are going be able to do this writer/illustrator collaboration-I hope it works out, I'm actually pretty excited about it.

Note to self: Email Monica photos.

Gotta go get some pantalones this weekend before I take off for NY.
To do:
Go to Gap-shut up I never go there-it's only because I have gift certificates from like 4 years ago that I need to redeem. I'll get some cords. all my clothes are junky anyways-faded, holes, paint-I need to tune up the old wardrobe. Got some new lame T-shirts from Marshalls last weekend-shopping spree-happens only once to twice a year for me. I need a new pair of everyday shoes as well-I'm thinking Sauconys-I dont know though. I'll go online.

Well, It's 1:03 meaning lunch is officially over so back to work I go. Later