Monday, October 18, 2010

The Price

"No matter how much you change you still have to pay the price for what you've done. I got a long road ahead of me."
-Doug MacRay, Ben Afflecks character from the movie The Town

This quote at the end of the movie struck me. Only because it's true; we make these choices in life and even if we don't get caught it does come back to haunt you. And I'm not talking massive revenge or karma, I talking the way that experiences mold you and affect how you make choices and respond or even react to things. That, I feel like, is worse than revenge because it doesn't end with one event it moves with you, it becomes a part of you. Inescapeable. It made me think of my own life and of the people I've hurt along the way. Even though they may have moved on I sit here remembering them and know that some of my entire thought processes have shifted because of those experiences. See and that's the thing, they've probably forgotten and moved on to brighter places in life and so it might not matter much for them anymore but it continues in my life. And I'm not saying I sit here and cry over the past, that's not it, it's more subtle - like baggage. The stuff you carry with you and really don't even know what's in them. The bags are just heavy and for some reason you know they're important to keep.

In the movie because he's on the run Afflecks character will never get to be with the woman he loves. That's one of the prices he's had to pay but the experiences through his life: abandoned by his mother, imprisoned father, drugs, violence, death of all his closest friends, murder..all the ways he was hurt and the ways he hurt others will mold his character for the rest of his life. The "long road" he talks about is just him and the memories of things he gone through. He says this as he's standing on his porch in the middle of nowhere, with no one else around for as far as the eye can see. Just him and his memories.

The other thing that struck me was that love when it's real is compelling. Even if it's from a violent criminal who once lied to you.

The heart is soft.