M-Day Countdown Day 13: Dec 13

Words.
Today, 2 hours before my final review to end my first semester at Mills I sat there eating breakfast wondering what I should do. I had a few hours before the 3 person committee would come in to my studio and review my work. I'd already spent 2 whole days prepping for Open Studios which happened this past weekend so I was pretty set up, presentable for the review. But there was a choice I needed to make which was between locking myself in the studio suiting up and throwing down more paint, making last minute work to reinforce the pieces I already had, I work well under pressure, this we established already - I coud get it done if I wanted or the alternative would be to write, sit there and write, practice the words I would speak to them. Write out my thoughts, ideas, organize, clump into like families, think about my concepts. Then I decided - to write, that words were powerful. I could make the worst piece look amazing by talking about it in such way. I could break bones, knock someone out, scar them for life, make them think they're ugly - I'd much rather get into a physical fist fight than be verbally raped and left for dead - it'd haunt me forever, I'd cry about it a decade later. I'll think I'm a fat, ugly, stupid, loser just cause they told me I was over and over again. Words, I'll use to my words this time.

M-Day Advent Calendar:

On Day 13:

Slow, inadequate, socially awkward, a genius, wasn't passionate.

Throw a punch. No. Use your words. 

Black eye. Swollen. No. Thick skin isn't always thick enough.

Transcends.

Sound waves.

Inner damage. The outside immaculate.

Two worlds existing in perceived harmony. 

Civil.

The things I said. Haunt. Me. More than you. 

Forgive me. Help me to forgive me. 

A nagging, like a ache. 

I feel like you said. 

I wish I could say.

Come what may.

And walk away.