A Personal Archive Because I Don't Trust My Memory
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
M-Day Countdown Day 22: Dec 22
As the time approaches, the most common question I get is are you excited. I feel like that's the wrong question. I don't feel excited. What's actually happening the last few days before the big day doesn't incite excitement, it's a mixture of feelings, mostly leaning more on the less excited side on the emo spectrum. Like I said if you really think about it the wedding is a big facade, we're not going big but especially with those going who do it up, it's lots of fluff in order to create an ambience. I actually enjoy that though so I'm not hating (I believe real things happen in made up ambiences that's why I do art), but it's like prepping for a big performance. Leading up to it there's family to host, weird grief issues bc certain members feel like they're losing someone, statuses change - fiancees become daughter/son in laws, learning new things, getting used to a lot of things you're not used to, plus you find yourself poorer than ever, and no matter how sure you were before there's always fear - man, this is for life, it's like the biggest most life altering decision you'll ever make. I don't know what you call those emotions but it's definitely not excited.
Don't get me wrong, it is a joyous occasion but it's like the holidays, you get the good with the bad, family with the baggage. And our wedding happens to be on the holidays.