Saturday, December 15, 2012

M-Day Countdown Day 14: Dec 14

Here's my formula to making the decision to get married, this is what I came up with, I'm not saying it'll work for everyone but it did for me:

1.) Find someone who's compelling. This means when you leave this person or are separated from them for a while you can't help but to think about them, be drawn to them, have that nag in your heart. Even when you have questions about them, it's difficult to walk away because there's something compelling about them. And this may sound all feeling but I'm talking actual personality traits, their values, physical qualities you like, or are attracted to, or you know are good, things you've thought about, observed.

2.)Redefine love for yourself. I've been in relationships in the past. Some long ones, where I've felt like I was in love, it may have been true or not but in my heart it felt real. And that feeling is impossible to shake. It stays with you forever and it became my definition of love, if it didn't look like this then it isn't love - that's what I felt even though my brain told me no! there's got to be other versions. That particular time, maturity, person, me, place, circumstance, weather, value where that version of what love was conceived can never be recreated. I was too weak to do anything about it, we as people are too weak to do anything about it. We live with it and are held captive to this particular definition of love and nothing could ever measure up to it. We're doomed, but one day we have to man up and beat down our heart and brain and tell them no! love can look like different, and will each and every time, let me feel what this new love is let it be real, help me clear the slate and welcome another.

3.)Reassess your values. Anything in your life that you make more important than anything else will be more important. That's it. I had to look at my life and honestly look into it and think about what I valued the most. The things I was most passionate about, thought about the most, worked on the most. Because this thing crowds out anything else. And if I didn't intentionally stop and examine I would've never noticed. One day I reassessed everything and changed the order of the things I valued and put a person before, in my case, art and my career.

4.)Make a decision. We usually wait to fall into things, or hope that the stars would align or certain circumstances would lead to something and I think that does happen (trust me, I'm a hopeless romantic I know) but you have a make decision, because sometimes it doesn't and then people move on. The decision could be the circumstance, it changes everything - it starts with the head and moves to heart. It's unexpected and risky, it's scariest thing because you've never experienced what might come after and now you've committed to jumping out that plane. It's crazy but it's the only way, you can't test everything before making a decision sometimes you just have to choose.

M-day Advent Calendar:

Door 15 brings us:

I'm going to start sleeping in all the rooms in my house, starting with this one:

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